I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
