I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
