I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and she was petting her beer can
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
