So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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