i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
