There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
