one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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