I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
