you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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