my phone needs a breathalizer
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
