Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
