your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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