I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
