Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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