My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
