oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
