coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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