I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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