i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
