Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
