Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
