Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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