After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
