my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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