How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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