i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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