Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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  (978): I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea http://tfl.nu/kyal
  Replies (28) Good night (3675) Bad night (1291)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.

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  (305): He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so. http://tfl.nu/ttes
  Replies (36) Good night (570) Bad night (3724)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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  (905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d
  Replies (19) Good night (4101) Bad night (1776)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4639) Bad night (1431)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.

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  (203): You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/n1s3
  Replies (13) Good night (5819) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.

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  (224): Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little. http://tfl.nu/kc37
  Replies (16) Good night (1820) Bad night (2758)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.

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  (620): He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/7tli
  Replies (20) Good night (4136) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL

  (310): View more from California

  so no, not her best night

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  (310): She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL (310): so no, not her best night http://tfl.nu/htxy
  Replies (6) Good night (762) Bad night (1989)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands

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  (+33): He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands http://tfl.nu/mwrj
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life

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  (772): we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life http://tfl.nu/tfqf
  Replies (15) Good night (1002) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy

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  (515): i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy http://tfl.nu/58yw
  Replies (15) Good night (1433) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.

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  (707): Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend. http://tfl.nu/wf6o
  Replies (6) Good night (1075) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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  (240): She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths http://tfl.nu/lqw0
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis

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  (602): Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis http://tfl.nu/4x5t
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night

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  (773): I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night http://tfl.nu/rjdu
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (174)

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