Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.