Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck