i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.