I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday