You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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