You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
