at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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