I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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