I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
