Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
