You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
