sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
