Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
