Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
