So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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