I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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