Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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