i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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