After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
