Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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