i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
