He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
