wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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