I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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