Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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