if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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