yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
