So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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