Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
