you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
