I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
