She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina