At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.