First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.