my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
