Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everyone says I win the strip club
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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