Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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