wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
