For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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