If i come over, it means nothing
I am puke
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
