I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
