Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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